::yeah, it's Lucus(dot)com::

Today is the day.  After a week and one day, I am finally going back to work.  I took some time off to spend with my family during that rough time last week.  After all that's said and done, now that the dust has settled, I've come out of this realizing something.  I need my family.  Granted, I knew this before, but didn't really understand fully why and how, but I am starting to.  I also realized that I've missed them.  They've missed me as well.  It's really sad that it takes something like the death of a loved one to bring everyone together, but I feel that it has. 

I've cried a lot over the past week for many different reasons.  Thinking about my three cousins no longer having a mother, my uncle no longer having a wife, me no longer having an aunt.  Then, I also cried more than I expected after the funeral, after what the pastor had said during the service.  He talked about God and faith.  Again, much like what happened to me recently, I was shaken by this more than I thought I should have been.  Then, it dawned upon me that I keep getting these signs, pointing me to what I know that I want, but I'm still so scared to let in.  I want to find my place, I have faith, I know I do, but taking that next step to go to church is for some reason the hardest thing for me, but I want to do it so bad. 

I'm nervous, I'm anxious, I'm wondering (much like the first day of school), are they going to like me? Will they accept me?  I mean, church isn't the #1place most homos like me feel accepted.  Will people talk?  Well, of course they will, but it's what I do after I know they're talking about me that will really test the type of person I am. 

I'm going to continue this later... I have to get ready for work.

You know, it's like one of my old(gay) bosses once said trying to give me advice on a completely different topic in which this metaphor is about, "Lucus, it's like, there's always going to be a time in your life when you're going to get a little cum in your mouth, and then you have to make the age-old decision, do you spit or do you swallow?"

Yeah, I know, right? Wtf?

Then, he followed it with, "...and I say SWALLOW!  Go for it!  Just do it!  You only live once, right?  It's all about chances, risks, and living for the moment."

It is about living for the moment, but I don't know if I would go that far, sir.  lol.  ...or at least, on a regular basis.

I lived in the moment recently and it brought me two things... One:
Two doesn't have a pic with me yet, so I'll post that soon.

All of this has told me something though.  It really isn't bad to live in the moment, but it has to be with the right things.  Even though I did live in the moment, I felt and knew that both things were right for me and were going to make me happier than I had been in a long time.

Also, I just read this blog post from a guy I follow on Twitter and it really said something to me....read it, (this is this link: http://is.gd/26PZW)and let me know what you think.  Post a comment here or something, it'll be fun. ;-)